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Liverpool Mercury
Friday 18 January 1822
Hoax
[From a correspondent at Burnley/]
A lunatic, by name Benjamin Lancaster, residing at Platt's farm, near Burnley, formerly a butcher, having, on Thursday last, been at a pig-killing, and partaking too freely of Sir John Barleycorn, whose presence is almost indispensable on such occasions, returned home between eleven and twelve o'clock at night; and wishing for more of the intoxicating beverage, peremptorily demanded of his mistress to bring him a quart. She, knowing its effect, as peremptorily refused, adding that there was plenty of good new milk, of which he might drink a gallon, and welcome. He continued to harp on the subject till the eyes of the good woman closed, as if for sleep; when he immediately started up, saying, "Plague you, but I'll not let you sleep at all, this night." He posted away to the next farm-house, and roused the inhabitants from sleep, pretending to weep, and with broken accents informing them that Mrs. ---- was fallen in a fit, and that there was no one in the house but herself; thence he directed his way to the "Tim Bobbin" public-house, about a mile distant, where reside two of her daughters and a son; and, with the same sorrowful face and accent, he told them the deplorable circumstance, with this addition, that it would be wise to take a bottle of rum and another of gin, there not being a drop of liquor in the house, otherwise he should have given her some when she was taken ill. The girls, with grief unutterable at the thoughts of suddenly losing their mother, hastened away immediately to the farm; but the brother, with great presence of mind, made the best of his way to Burnley, for a doctor. On the arrival of the neighbour who was first alarmed, the old woman was found just going to bed, but came down stairs to gossip over the circumstance; whilst the question was being canvassed betwixt them, the two affectionate girls arrived, quite out of breath with the speed they had made, and were agreeably surprised to find their mother so much better, as to be enjoying a hearty laugh when they entered the house. The different tales being told, and no more visitors expected, the bottles were placed on the table, the son being despatched on horseback to countermand the order for the doctor. Scarcely had he mounted his poney and proceeded one hundred yards before he met Doctor M----- on his foaming charger, having lost no time in his power to wait on the afflicted woman. The Doctor, however, stopt to enjoy the joke and drink a glass or two. After the departure of the above persons, almost immediately arrived two of her sisters and their husbands, from a distance of three miles, poor Benjamin having paid them a visit to the like purport. They staid till morning, not much relishing a return home through dirty lanes, in the night time. Of course, when all her relations in the neighbourhood had arrived, it was thought the hoax was over; but Benjamin had taken a tour amongst ther more distant relations, and invited them to the funeral, which was to take place on the Sunday. On Saturday night, friends and relatives came from all parts, even from Edgeworth-moor, near Bolton, a distance of twenty miles; and whether all are yet come is not exactly known, he having returned home only last night.
Jan 16.
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Mel
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